Saturday, September 17, 2011

The Mysterious Case of the Sock Monster And The Glass Using Ghost That Live At My House

Monsters are real.  I know this because a sock monster lives in my basement either within the laundry room or in one of the other rooms.  He must be a big one because he devours socks at an alarming rate.  I also guess he must be getting kickbacks from the Hanes corporation because our family ends up spending a small fortune on new socks which soon meet the same fate as the old socks.   I wear socks, remove them, ball the together in the hopes they won't become seperated and thus lost, and they don't return.  Maybe I should start telling them 'good-bye' when I drop them into the laundry basket.

Some of the socks escape into my teenagers' rooms and end up on the feet of one of my two daughters.  I make it a point to buy socks different from what they wear so when I see my socks on their feet, I know.  But I figure they must have a soft heart for socks and are doing what they can to protect those poor innocent socks from that wicked, hungry sock monster that lives in the basement.   After all, teenage girls would never "borrow" their mom's socks and fail to return them so it must be the former.

In addition to that sock monster that dwells in my basement we also seem to have acquired a glass using ghost.  I determined this because I'll do up all the dirty dishes including a varied assortment of drinking receptacles that range from glasses, tumblers, mugs, cups and anything that anyone could drink from.  Ten minutes later I can stroll through the kitchen and find dirty glasses stacked in the sink.  With each hour that passes the number grows but no one ever admits to using a glass to get a drink.   Apparently no one quenches thirst in my house unless they drink straight from the milk jug or so they tell me.   If no one drinks from and thus dirties all these beverage containers, then it's obvious that a glass using ghost has taken up residence upstairs.   I wish he'd leave and maybe I wouldn't have so many dishes to wash!

In addition to these supernatural creatures we also have a wandering spirit that turns on electric lights all over the house and fails to shut them off.   There's another monster that fills up every wastebasket to full capacity but never wants to empty any of them.  I think there is a laundry goblin who puts my clothes in my son's room and I end up with his camo pants.

That starving sock monster has a invisible cousin who devours anything left in the kitchen for very long.  Crackers, cookies, sweets, all fly out of the pantry, fridge and cupboards at an alarming speed but often no one knows who ate what or when it happened.

I'd like my house back and out of the clutches of all these creatures who wreak havoc but I somehow think that maybe that won't happen until the kids grow up and take the monsters with them.

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