Sunday, June 19, 2011

A Father's Day Message from my guest Bennet Pomeranz

On this day set aside to honor our fathers,  I am pleased to introduce my special guest today, writer and reviewer Bennet Pomeranz with his very moving tribute to his father.  His words resonated with me because I also lost my father a few years ago, a space that will never be filled by anyone else.'s from our guest, Bennet:

Father’s Day

Writer’s Note
When I wrote this piece in 2005, my syndicate editor asked me to write a Father’s day piece. I told her, “My father is Dead!” She and I had a “ blank silence “ (that is when either parties does not know what to say to each other). I picked up the verbal thread and said I would do it. The last thing I said to her was ” You will have it.”

I remember after my Dad passed away, I spoke with a grief councilor who told me to write him letters on how I felt about him. I remember I joked that “That would take a book to talk about what I felt about him”. He said smiling, “Knowing you as I do, It would be a best seller.”

After this column ran in 2005, I got many letters and emails from numerous men saying my words were things they felt in words that they had felt as well. Some said it helped them...and I am glad it did.

Now, it’s six years later..and Father’s Day has come around again. This piece was reprinted in the book collection, Loving Hearts Live Forever (MJR publishing, available on I still get emails about this piece from some who say my simple words have help them...And I still miss my dad

For those who have still have parents , I say this...pick up the phone and call them, take the time to take them out to a meal (or invite them to your house), and do not forget to say that you love them

Happy Father’s day, Dad. I love and miss you very much
Father’s Day 2011

To Be or What? Memo to Dad (Father’s Day Column 2005)
By Bennet Pomerantz

Dear Dad,
I am writing this letter to you. It’s been a long time since I
have written. After you died, almost three years ago, as part of the healing process, I wrote a number of letters to you,
expressing what was on my mind. So here I am, writing you again for Father’s Day.

So you should know the whole family is fine. Mom and Aunt
Barbara misses you a lot, as we all do. Noah, Sarah and Julia
are sprouting like weeds, as your grandchildren should. You
would be proud of all of them. And my Uncles Larry, Eddie, Hy and their families are well too.

As you know, I have no children of my own, so I leave you no
legacy. However lately, a few of your friends have remarked, that I remind them of you. There was a time when I had taken those words an insult. I strived to be my own person, and not a clone of you. It is strange, but these days, those remarks seem more like a special honor . . . My how times have changed!

Dad, toward the end of your life, I felt we rediscovered each
other in a way. We did it, as I was invited to go deep sea
fishing with you. They were wonderful trips we had to the
on Captain John’s boat. I remember once, after a storm, there was a rainbow, which seemed to be painted on the sky. We smiled as we saw its hues of brilliance. Times like that are etched into my mind, outweighing some of the grief out of our tempestuous past. It was not just fishing, but I discovered on that boat, it was you that I finally met. You have always been the father with the capital F. On the boat, you enjoy the thrill of the catch . . . The relaxing enjoyment of the sea air against your face . . . you were a man, and not just MY FATHER. It was a time I had with you, and I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

And here I sit wondering, If things had changed if you were
still alive? I don’t know. I know I had to grow up a little
when you died suddenly. I have said this before and will repeat myself, there was no closure for me, since you died so suddenly. Many things were left unsaid and undone. Nevertheless, would bringing you back achieve a goal to settle it? ...I do not think so. You picked and chose your battles well. And our relationship was a battle you sorta left on the back burner. I think it is because we both beat to our own different drummers.

Well dad, so you should know I still, as you used to say, don’t have a real job . . . because I am a writer. I still eek out a fair living penning words to paper. There were a few times when you seem to be impressed with my skill at crafting words. And then you kept raising the bar, so I would thrive higher . . . I have forgotten to say thank you for that!

So dad, at least this year, I didn’t need find you another dumb father’s day gift. You know the ones that always ended up in the back of the closet. I still remember buying you that yellow neon-ish tie, I think it is still glowing in the back of mom’s closet.

However, Father’s day, to me now, is to remember you and who you were in good times. Whenever, I pass a body of water, I see you fishing in my mind's eye. And in that boat, I see your friend Jack, Uncle Leon, Uncle Irving and Grandpa Julius all healthy, laughing, holding court and fishing . . . all father figures to me, long gone. Taken away from me too soon.

Happy Father’s day, Dad...see you in my daydreams!

Food for thought

@Pen & Ink Inc.

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